Before the Covid pandemic began, I had started working on a self-help concept organized under the acronym SIMPLE. My intent was to drill down to the most basic and fundamental ideas my clients and I had found most useful in our growth processes, drawn primarily from psychology and philosophy.
Now that vaccines and antiviral treatments have helped us regain a semblance of normality, the costs of the ruptures in our already-fragile social fabric are becoming more apparent. Some are terrifying (suicides, unintentional overdoses, gun violence), and others, like the growing epidemic of loneliness, less visible but just as deadly.
I am heading into my sixth decade on this planet, and after all I’ve learned, I now believe the cultivation of love and the acceptance of change and loss are the two most important foundations of a life worth living. We need supportive relationships, and we also need to let them go when the time comes. Awareness of the fleetingness of life can spur us to live more attentively and intentionally, and thus potentially more joyfully. But fear based on past difficult relationships, a belief that we are somehow unworthy or unlovable, and/or dread of abandonment and loss can prevent us from taking the risks involved in developing intimacy with others.
On the other hand, there are serious risks in not reaching out. Research suggests that social isolation and loneliness can be as detrimental to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In a 2018 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, one in five Americans said they always or often felt lonely or socially isolated. And that was before the pandemic. In a 2021 survey conducted in New York, 57 percent of people said they felt lonely some or most of the time, and two-thirds said they felt socially isolated in the prior month.
While I had originally planned to present the SIMPLE project as a self-guided workbook, I decided that a group format would be more beneficial. Now my goal is to help people improve their lives in and through connection with other people. I hope to create a network of mutual self-help groups like AA but one that doesn’t require you to confess to anything other than being humanly imperfect and not wanting to feel alone in that.
Although I am now a fan of groups and am happy to belong to many, I didn’t always feel that way. My family life was not ideal and I struggled to feel accepted or wanted in groups throughout my school years and early adulthood. My involvement in experiential group therapy workshops over the past 25 years helped me shed much of the shame & inhibition at the root of my anxiety, and I hope a SIMPLE group helps you do the same.
The Plan
Each group starts with a maximum of 8 members and meets weekly for 8 weeks. Each session is given some structure by addressing one of the themes summarized in the acronym SIMPLE, together with a first meeting for introductions and an eighth for closings/transitions:
- Slow Down
- Increase Intimacy
- Minimize Material Things/Maximize Experiences
- Promote Physical Health
- Learn – Cultivate an Open Mind
- Engage with the Environment
Members are given access to the private pages on this website after paying $50 for a year – like weekly in-person AA meetings where each member puts a dollar in the hat to help pay for the meeting place and materials, only with the whole year paid in advance. This helps cover hosting expenses and the time I dedicate to providing material to ponder.
Throughout the first 8 sessions, each new group is facilitated by me or by a therapist I have trained. In subsequent 8-module sequences, groups will be self-led but will have access to their original facilitator’s direct assistance should any difficulties arise in group dynamics.
After the first 8 sessions are completed, the group members will vote to: 1) keep the group going for another 8 weeks (or indefinitely), 2) keep it going with a one or more members opting to leave and one or more invited to join for whatever period of time everyone agrees to, or 3) disband entirely. One or more members could branch off and start new groups, in addition to or in place of the previous one. The number of groups will then expand, allowing more people to participate and benefit.
Subsequent groups including returnees will repeat the same SIMPLE format. I will continue to update materials to help guide discussions and participants are invited to contribute their own ideas and stories to enrich things even more. Each active group could set up a private email group, Slack channel or text chain to enable connections outside of formal meeting times.
For both pandemic and convenience reasons, meetings are held initially via Google Meet. They can meet for 60 or 90 minutes depending on group consensus. If group members all come from the same general vicinity, they could agree to meet in person for one or more meetings (for example, to go for a nature walk while discussing the Engage with the Environment theme).
Certain agreements are required:
1) confidentiality – general ideas can be shared with people outside the group, but never with names attached
2) members should attentively listen to and show respect and tolerance for others
3) potentially divisive topics such as politics are best avoided unless or until the group decides they can be broached without harm.
That’s all there is to it! My aim is, as the overall title suggests, to keep things simple. And lest you think this is all very serious, humor – considered a mature defense mechanism – will definitely be attempted ;). Links to sources are included as they have been on this page for those who would like to dig deeper, and “homework” exercises are suggested but always optional.
Are you ready to get together and build a better life – and maybe even a better society, one group at a time? Fill out the contact form and we’ll talk soon!